


oh god, i'm going to die alone

by Goodnight Moon (MythologicalHoe)



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Lot of Issues, Angst, Crying, Dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Loneliness, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Missing Persons, Paranoia, Possessive Behavior, Schizophrenia, Stalking, bad past, not a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-10-30 18:05:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17833487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythologicalHoe/pseuds/Goodnight%20Moon
Summary: Rey is an author who has a stalker, it gets a little more intense when he sees her one night and out of the blue decides to kidnap her.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Rey woke up in a place that she did not recognize. There was a bunk bed and outfits laid out in a closet. She was on the bottom of the bunk bed, and nearly hit her head on the top of the bunk when she got up. Her mind was groggy, and she knew right about now, she should be panicking, but at the moment she couldn’t even process anything that was going on. Rey made herself get up, planting her feet on the floor. Where were her shoes? She found it kind of funny that that was the first thing she wondered about when she got up. Maybe it was because of the cloudy mental state that she was in.  

That’s when she realized that there was someone else in the room, and she remembered exactly what happened.  

* * *

 

 _Rey was a lot of things. She had started out as an Instagram model and Youtuber when she was sixteen, then she transitioned to script writing and acting, and after an injury had stopped her acting career, she became a writer. She was adaptable, and knew how to keep a fanbase. The thing that came with a fanbase though was stalkers, she had her fair share of them when she had been a model and an actress, but when she fell during a stunt and permanently screwed up her knee, that problem had all but fallen to the wayside._  

 _Rey had to deal with chronic pain and that left her inside her house most of the time, writing books. Sometimes Finn or Poe would take her to get groceries and see a movie, but she didn’t have a life other than that._  

 _It was one night a little after New Year’s that she decided that she wanted to have a life for herself. She drove out to the town square to just walk around and enjoy the fresh air. Everything was damp but the air was crisp and she enjoyed walking. It was one night where nothing hurt._  

 _It was also the first time that she saw him._  

* * *

 

 _“_ There’s no use in screaming.” That was the first time that she had ever heard him talk. She had always just seen him in glimpses, he always seemed nervous, like he knew what he was doing was wrong. She didn’t know his name, she just knew that he knew a lot about her. She didn’t scream. “Everything’s soundproofed.” Rey sat back down on the bed, getting as closed to the wall as she could. She was beginning to wake up. She didn’t know how to describe what she was feeling. It was beyond scared. She couldn’t think. Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. When she finally spoke, she shook more than she wanted to.  

“Where am I?” She asked. 

“You’re my guest.” He had glasses, long raven hair and freckles. If he hadn’t kidnapped her, she might have thought that he was cute. Now, she was just scared. Shaking even. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He told her.  

“What do you want from me then?” She spat. She realized that she shouldn’t use as much venom if she wanted him to keep his promise. He seemed pretty stable and she didn’t know what was going to set him off. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” The shaking got worse, and he just shook his head. He was looking at her with kind eyes.  

“It’s okay,” He said, “it’ll all be okay, Rey.”  

* * *

 

 _Ben had been diagnosed with capgras syndrome when he was eighteen, but he knew that everyone was lying to him. His parents weren’t really alive, they had died. They were dead and the people that replaced him were nice but they weren’t his parents. He was sure of it. He lived a waking hell with everyone trying to tell him that those were, in fact, his parents._  

 _So, when he was nineteen, he ran away. He was taken into the care of a man by the name of Snoke. He never told him his first name because he said that it wasn’t necessary. Snoke had other teenage boys with him at the household, and they had all sectioned off into brutal cliques that would torment Ben because he was at the lowest ranking in the house at the time._  

 _Snoke would have him do things that he didn’t want to do, but that he told Ben would be good to strengthen his standing with God. They would always be sexual in nature, and they always hurt, but they raised Ben’s ranking in the group, and soon he was ranking higher than Hux. But he felt sick, tired of being violated so often but convinced that it was the right thing. It was what he deserved._  

 _“Right_ _now_ _you are a monster, a creature full of sin, the sickness in your brain is due to the fact that you did not worship God as a child, I will wash the sin from you,” That was the thing that Snoke always told the children, until the day the house was broken into and raided._  

 _The police said that they were here to help, that they were friends. They even found Ben’s parents, but he ran away from the station before they could get there. He made a relatively successful life as a business associate in Wyoming, where he knew that his parents had died and those imposters wouldn’t touch him._  

* * *

 

Rey felt like she was going to throw up. “Why am I here?” She asked again. “I don’t...do you want money? Because I can get you money?” She didn’t want to entertain what else he might want her for. “Are you going to kill me?”  

The man wrinkled his nose, like he was offended for her merely suggesting that. “No, not that. Never that.”  

“Then what do you want me for?” The suggestion that he was some sort of serial killer wasn’t farfetched. After all, he was the one who kidnapped her.  

* * *

 

 _When Ben started to follow Rey, he took the option to work from home at his company. It took a lot of time and dedication, to be a stalker. Ben didn’t have a life though, and none of his colleagues thought it weird that he was retreating. He had seen Rey’s very first videos when she just was starting out._  

 _He had always felt some sort of connection to her, there was a loneliness that he related to in her videos, then he saw her movies, read her books. He had never seen her as anything other than someone he wanted to know._  

 _He wasn’t the type of guy that thought that he could take anything he wanted from women and violate them like that. He was violated. He didn’t want to do that to anyone else._  

* * *

_“_ I uh,” He was starting to look nervous, and Rey knew that he wasn’t a killer as soon as she saw that. He had nervous tics, things that set him off and that made her sure that if he hurt her, she would survive the ordeal. Her eyes swept the room she was in. There were no windows and there was only one entrance and one exit. He was blocking the exit. The more Rey focused the more she noticed things. Wires running from the door up somewhere else. There was an electric lock.  

 _Great. “_ Why?” She asked again. He ran his hands through his hair.  

“You wouldn’t understand,” She wanted to tell him to make her understand, but she didn’t want to set him off. Despite the challenge that it provided, she knew that she had to keep calm. That was the only way to keep him calm. “I - I read one of your books, two years ago. The one you wrote when you had left the acting industry, and even though it was through characters I could feel your loneliness. I looked more into you and I knew I was right and I felt that too.”  

“So, you kidnapped me?” He gulped, perhaps it was only now that he was realizing the severity of the situation. 

“You’ll like it here. I won’t hurt you. I won’t touch you.” In between those sentences he was muttering unintelligible sentences to himself.  Rey felt like she was going to throw up. “If you’re nice to me, I can give you more things... a TV, books, a typewriter. Things like that. You can make a home here.”  

“I have a home,” She told him.  

“Not really,” He replied, “I know you, Rey. You hardly ever left the house. You were in pain constantly.”  _Her pain medicines. Shit. She would be without it here. “_ This place wasn’t really my home either.” He said. “It was just a place. But we can make it home. You can be my friend.” Rey opened her mouth to say something, but then shut it.  

She really wanted to throw up right now, or to go back to sleep and wake up in her own bed, chalking it up to a hallucination or a nightmare. “You look like you’re going to be sick.” He said. He went back to the stairs, where the door was. Rey wondered if she could run from here and take him.  

No.  

He outweighed her by a lot and she had a bad knee. She had to be smart about this. “I’ll go get you a bin and some ginger ale.” He left and she wanted to scream after him. She was shaking again, worse. Sweating too.  

This should not be happening.  

* * *

 

 _Rey walked down the street, seeing him in the side of the grocery store window. “Are you okay, peanut?” Finn asked him. She tried to tell herself that seeing him was just a coincidence, that this guy wasn’t following her like she thought that he was. She was just being paranoid._  

 _It was because of the true crime podcasts that she listened to. They were getting the better of her. “Yeah,” She told him. “I’m fine. Just tired.”_  

 _“We’ll go home after we’re done with your errands.” He told her. “I’ll get you some tea on the way home. Will that help?”_  

 _“Yes,” Rey smiled at him, “thank you. Finn.”_  

 _“No problem, Rey.”_  

* * *

 

She was sad and he didn’t like that. He thought that this would go better than it did. He knew that he drugged her but that was all he did. He had read her clothes tags when she was asleep and ordered same day shipping on clothes that he was sure that she would like, putting them all up in the closet in the basement before woke. He didn’t want to alarm her.  

He knew that she had seen him and that she hadn’t reported him to the cops, so he didn’t think that this would be such a big deal. But she had shouted at him, cried even, and that brought him back to a clearer state of mind. He was starting to shake, realize that he had kidnapped her. That was crossing a line that you really weren’t supposed to cross.  

He couldn’t just let her go, though. She was already here. He got her that bin and ginger ale that she wanted and went back down. She was still huddled on the bed. This time she said nothing, her cheeks were stained with tears and she looked like she could be blown away into a bunch of tiny little pieces right then and there. He set the unopened can down on the side of the bed, and the bin down next to her. “I’ll be down here again tomorrow, we can talk later when you’ve calmed down.”  

When I’ve calmed down.  

He was about to leave when Rey said, “Will you at least tell me your name?”  

He was going to say Kylo, an alias. He didn’t let many people call him Ben, but when he opened his mouth he said, “It’s Ben. You can call me Ben.” Then closed the door behind him.  

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update, the next chapter is outlined to be longer so I decided to make a short little update for now

“Why do you keep crying?” Ben kneeled to pick up the bin. Rey had thrown up alright, but she hadn’t drunk the soda that he had given her. “I’m not going to hurt you.” 

“I want a shower.” Rey told him. 

“When you’re done crying,” Ben told her, “you can get a shower. I promise. But you can’t cry or scream outside of the room.” He stared at her for a minute, trying to think of more things that he could give her to make her happy. “Are you cold?” She nodded. “You didn’t sleep, did you?” 

She shook her head no. “Why?” Maybe it was because she was in a strange room without windows with a man who stalked her for two years. Something in Ben’s head was screaming, telling him that he should let her go, but he was so lonely. He thought that maybe if she understood a little better, she wouldn’t be so scared. “I’m sorry.” He said before she could speak. “I’m sorry that I scare you.” He brought the bin with Rey’s sick in it to dispose of it later. “I won’t touch you I promise,” Rey didn’t say anything. 

He almost closed the door when she said, “Where are you going?” 

“I’ll be back.” He told her. “I made you breakfast.” 

Ben came back with breakfast and sat it at the side of Rey’s bed. “You need to eat, you threw up a lot.” 

“Why? So, you can drug me again?” 

Ben shook his head. Why was she so mad at him? “Can you stop doing that?” 

“Doing what?” 

“Acting like I want to rape you or something? I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to take advantage of you, I just want a friend.” That was all he wanted, all he desired. Someone to talk to. Rey sniffed and then sat down on the floor opposite Ben and took her tray. There was some peace in eating in silence, Ben watched her but she didn’t feel threatened or like he was sexualizing her in his head. When she was done eating, she backed up. 

“You should take the soda.” He told her. Then he touched it. “Actually, it’s warm. I’ll go get you another. I have Root Beer and Sprite too; would you like one of those?” 

“Do you have tea?” She asked hopefully. 

“No,” He said. “But I can order some?” 

“Arizona,” She told him. “The canned stuff. Raspberry.” He nodded and turned to leave again. 

“I’ll take you to the bathroom in a minute. Uh, as long as you promise that you won’t try and leave.” 

* * *

 

Things started to get a little better when Rey figured out that Ben wasn’t going to hurt her. Ben would set out clothes for her and she would get clothes. She wouldn’t try to escape because the only place he let her go outside of the basement was the bathroom. The second bathroom was down a hallway with three more feet before going to the door that led to the outside. She smiled every once and a while, but still cried. 

He thought that this might be because she mourned the absence of her old home. He came down one night to her very viciously crying, he asked her what was wrong and she got quiet almost immediately. “Are you okay?” He asked her. He stared at her, trying to see if she was hurt. There was no physical wound on her body. 

“My medicine.” She said. “I take chronic pain medicine.” 

Right. He wished that he would’ve known that. She'd been here for a week and a half. “For your injury,” She nodded. Her eyes were wide. Ben had her purse and had her keys. He swallowed at the thought of going outside, he hadn’t gone outside in the week since she had been in there. He had everything delivered right to his door and spent time with Rey, all of the curtains were shut tight and not a shred of sunlight got through. 

It wasn’t doing wonders for his eyesight, but he didn’t want any light in. It was less stress that way. “I can do without.” She said.

“No,” He said, “you’re my friend. I’ll get it for you, just tell me where your medicine is.” He didn’t think that she was going to tell him, but she did. 

“Can I have my phone?” She asked. 

“No,” He shook his head. “You’ll try to leave.” 

“My friends will get worried, try and send someone to look out at the house. You’ll get caught if you go and I don’t know if you’ll tell them where I am if you do.” She was right, so he left for a moment and let her unlock her phone, sitting down next to her to see what she typed as she answered messages that hadn’t been answered for a few days. 

She told her friend Finn that she’d lost her phone and that she had just now found it, and that she was fine, when he asked where she was she said that she took a spontaneous trip to Europe, like she always wanted to and that she would be fine. She told Rose that she was fine and said the same thing, over and over again until she was done, saying signal wasn’t great over there. Then she gave him the phone. He turned it off and pocketed it. 

“I’ll be back.” He said. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. Going outside wasn’t such a big deal before, when he was only following Rey. Now it seemed like there was a foreboding monster waiting outside of the door for him at every turn. He didn’t want to leave Rey’s room. 

“Be careful.” He glanced down, staring at the girl in the bed for a long time before getting a bolster of confidence. He didn’t know why she said that, or why she decided to start being so kind now of all times, but he decided that he would take any kindness that Rey gave him. He was grateful for that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben just wants a friend, he'll do anything with that friend.


	3. bonding

When Ben was little, he was sexually assaulted several times. He was pretty sure that’s what made him start to distrust people, and the world around him. He didn’t ever think that it would get so bad that it would get to the point where it was hard to go outside, or control his impulses, but here he was. 

He was picking up medicines for a girl that he had stalked and kidnapped and if he was too suspicious, someone might see him and arrest him. Oh god, everyone was out to get him. Everyone would know that he was there and they would arrest him, send him into a white padded cell and torture him forever, force him to be with the people that were impersonating his parents. 

Calm down. 

It was Rey’s voice that said that in his head. Ben knew that Rey didn’t really like him that much, but she was starting to come around, or so he hoped. He could see her getting less and less afraid of him every day. That was something great that Ben wasn’t sure was going to happen. If she wasn’t afraid of him, she would be his friend and he wouldn’t be alone anymore. 

She would understand, and getting her medicine is part of making her understand. Ben got in and out of her house unseen, getting back to his car and driving away. It was in the car where he had his breakdown. 

The thought that he had left Rey alone, where she could escape or be afraid was unbearable to him. He started to cry. 

***

Ben had kept his promise, getting Rey the medicine that she needed, but when he came back Rey knew that something was wrong. He looked like he had been crying, Rey didn’t know what to do. She felt paralyzed as he dropped the bag of her medicine on top of her. “Are you okay?” She asked. She had to be nice to her captor, she knew that. That was the only way that she was going to get out of this situation. He opened his mouth and then closed it again. She sat up in her bed and patted the space right next to her. “Talk to me.” She said. 

He sat down next to her. It was hard for him to duck down under the bunk bed. “I don’t like going outside,” He told her. Rey nodded, facing him more as she waited for him to talk. He opened his mouth again, and Rey noticed that his hands were shaking.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Rey said, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Just, instead tell me something that you like to do. In your free time, what do you like to do?” The shaking lessened a little bit. 

“I uh, I read.” 

“You like reading?”

“Yeah,” 

“ So  do I,” 

“I know,”  He said. Rey tried to laugh that off and continued talking. 

“Is there anything else that you like doing?” She asked him. He shook his head. “Okay, that’s fine. Well, since you read a lot, why don’t you tell me about your favorite books. And you can’t say mine, because that’s cheating.” That seemed to get his mind off of whatever panic attack he might have had. 

He told her about how he couldn’t read books where animals died because it made him sad and she understood that, “I mostly like fantasy, sometimes mystery.” Both genres Rey had dabbled in. “I really like Terry Pratchett.” 

“Me too,” Rey said. “Do you have any of his books?” 

“Upstairs, I own a copy of all of them.” 

“That’s amazing, so I assume you have a library.” 

“They’re mainly just an unorganized mess everywhere. If you’d see  it  you’d probably judge me. I saw how clean you kept your house, I was envious.” 

“You shouldn’t be, I basically only use two rooms in my house so it’s pretty easy to keep tidy.” 

“Interesting,” Rey kept Ben talking about his favorite books until he was tired and said he was going to sleep. Rey said that she would let him go. 

“If you promise me one thing,” She told him. 

“What’s that?” 

“You’ll come down here tomorrow and read me a chapter of a Terry Pratchett novel. Anything you want to pick, but I’d like you to read me a chapter of something tomorrow.” It was a way to keep him alive, Rey had an increasing fear that he would kill himself and Rey would have no way of ever getting out of here. So here she was, trying to make her captor feel better. She did feel kind of bad for him. 

He needed help, really  really  bad. 

“Okay,” He told her. “Yeah, I can do that. I’ll do that.” Rey smiled as best as she can. She could see that she convinced him for now. “Goodnight, Rey.” 

“Goodnight, Ben.” 

***

Ben had put a typewriter in her room. For a moment, Rey had thought about hitting him over the head with it but she didn’t know if any of the other doors in the house were locked and if that would in fact incapacitate him.  So  she allowed herself to be vulnerable instead. She smiled at him, “Thank you,” She said. “You didn’t have to bring me anything.” 

“I’d assume that it’s pretty boring down here.” He said. “Sorry about that.” He grimaced and then said, “I’m going to bring you some more paper and a pen and some books. Then I’ll read to you.” He kept his promise. He read a chapter to her and then asked her if that had given her any inspiration. 

“I’ll have to see,” Rey said, “writing is a hard process, it takes a while.” 

“Right.” Ben seemed disappointed that he wasn’t going to witness her start writing, but he didn’t get violent about it. 

“But,” She told him, “if I do have an idea, I’ll let you read it.” That seemed to cheer him up. 

“Are you sure about that? You don’t have to do that.” 

“I’m sure,” She said, “would you enjoy that?” 

“Yes,” He told her, “I really would.” 

“Then I’ll make sure that you see what I’m writing as soon as I’ve thought of the right thing.” 


End file.
